SERVING

Those That

SERVED

Stressor Letters

LIFE AFTER TRAUMATIC EVENT            

          

I didn’t realize it right away, however, after a year or two from discharging from the Army, it became apparent that my time in uniform and in Vietnam changed how I saw the world.  When I was in Vietnam my senses operated at maximum capacity and effectiveness.  I was always on guard.  My family and friends tell me that I still act like I am in Vietnam.  When we go out to eat I only sit in restaurants with my back to the wall.  If I can’t see everything in front of me, then I don’t eat there.  If a restaurant is crowded, I will not eat there.  I can’t stand the crowds, they make me want to fight somebody.              

           

Also, every now and then I will have nightmares about Vietnam crap.  Not the firefight I was involved in, but general war scenes.  Especially the faces of NVA soldiers.            

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My family and friends tell me that I seem cold and distant.  They tell me all the time that I act like I’m afraid to get close to people.  My three ex-wives used to tell me all the time that I was incapable of deep feelings toward them.               

       

Every boss I ever had reminded me of those drill sergeants in basic training.  They all yelled at me, treated with disrespect, tried to boss me around, and most seemed incompetent.  When I worked as a butcher at a local supermarket, one boss fired me because I ran a football parlay.  I made lots of money running that parlay and morale was never higher at the supermarket.  But he didn’t see it that way.  For whatever reason, I have never been able to hold down a legitimate job for more than a year.  Since discharging from the army I have had over 50 jobs.           

            

Lastly, my life after Vietnam has been so screwed up that I get really down sometimes.  I have been known to stay in bed for weeks.  Too tired to move and too angry to try.  I look like I have anorexia nervosa because I have lost close to a hundred pounds.  I don’t eat much anymore.  I just don’t seem to be hungry anymore.  I am not entirely sure what happened to me in Vietnam, but I am sure something affected me that altered my potential.